In my five years of editing Rock Salt Plum Poetry Review, no cover letter has delighted and amused me more than Michael Schein's. He stood out from the hundreds of other voices in my slushpile while wisely remaining within the confines of professionalism. This is seldom accomplished!
Unfortunately, the professionalism of the publishing world demands that cover letters be brief and sterile. In a way, this is good. A standard level of professionalism ensures that most of the submissions I receive won’t arrive in neon pink text over a black background framed with flashing flowers and peace symbols. It also ensures a quick read; something any editor would appreciate.
That said, it is still possible to be original and witty while acknowledging proper writer-editor etiquette. Michael pulls it off beautifully. It is emails such as these that make this job of mine a true labor of love. The interaction, jokes, and support have helped me to transcent the drudgery that is often part and parcel of editing an online journal.
Because this is the final issue of Rock Salt Plum Review, I want to relax the shroud of professionalism a bit and share with you a few of the words that have been typed behind the scenes during the long, belabored creation of this issue. Michael is just one of the contributors with whom I’ve formed a friendly rapport. I’ve so enjoyed getting to know all of the friendly, talented writers and artists whose visions and voices grace the pages of this journal.
The correspondence below took place between me and Michael Schein from April, 2006 through March, 2007. It follows the delays, frustrations, and friendship that inevitably arise between writers and editors as they collaborate on the creation of the humble small press journal.
___________________________________
April 21, 2006
Dear Editors:
Great Spring Issue! But may a poet ask -- what
happened to the
submission I sent you on June 2, 2005? Rejections I
understand,
acceptances make my toes tingle, but silence is --
well, actually I
love silence, but not in this context.
On June 2nd last year I emailed you 4 poems:
Repetitions, Playing
God, God Playing, and Pentimento. They didn't bounce
back. I never
heard a word. I feared you went defunct when I
checked
your site and
got an odd message. I burned incense for you. You
came back from
the dead -- hurrah! -- but still, no word for me.
Was I rejected but didn't know it? Did it fall
through
the
cybercracks? Would you like to see what you missed?
Warm regards,
Michael Schein
_____________________________
August 8, 2006
Hi Michael,
I'm sorry that your submission may have fallen through
the "cybercracks" - sometimes this happens
inadvertently when I get so many submissions that I
have to do a bulk email declining people's work.
Hopefully you've received a response by now. As a
writer myself, I know it's maddening to wait around,
wondering if a publisher ever received my work. I'm
truly sorry. If it's any excuse, I'm the only one
keeping RSP afloat, and oftentimes real life must come
first (unfortunately).
I just wanted to tell you how nicely written and witty
this email of yours is - it made me chuckle! Listen,
judging by this email, it seems that you're a terrific
writer. Please send me more work. If your poetry isn't
what I'm looking for, why not send in an essay, a blog
snippet, a review, an article, anything you think RSP
readers might enjoy, and we'll see what we can do.
Thanks for being so patient!
_____________________________
August 8, 2006
Dear Jalina,
How kind of you to write me an extensive personal note! When an
editor says please send me more work, my ears perk up. When that
editor is someone who uses one of my favorite words – “entanglement”
– in juxtaposition with “love” while interviewing a poet I worship
(the artist formerly known as God must have written “From Blossoms”),
then I’m about ready to yodel!
Now, let’s be clear about your request for reviews, essays and
fragments of DNA: I have written a few such creatures (see the
current issue of the prestigious American Drivel Review), but I am
sufficiently masochistic to primarily focus on (1) poetry & (2)
novels, thus ensuring maximum frustration at all times. In addition
to submitting more poetry (see below), the best proposal I can make
is this: a good friend of mine won last year’s Prairie Schooner Book
Award, and her book is scheduled to come out soon. Perhaps I could
get a review copy and write you a review. Are you interested?
Of course, I’d yodel a lot louder if you selected one or two of my
poems. At your invitation, I’ve attached a few more. I'm hoping
that one or two will resonate with you. Currently, I have poetry in
The Ledge, Elysian Fields Quarterly, and (next month) Pontoon 9
(Floating Bridge Press). Deanne Smith, whom you've published, thinks
I’m the cat's pajamas!
Even if you don’t publish any of these, thank-you so much for
writing. As a fellow writer I’m sure you know that the work room can
be a lonely place, where lots of omphaloskepsis takes place (look it
up in a good dictionary; its a cherry of a word & it’s in one of the
attached poems). An email such as yours helps make it worthwhile.
Warm regards,
Michael
______________________________
November 2, 2006
Hi Michael!
I bet you never thought you'd hear back from me! I'm so
sorry, I'm not the most consistent editor. God, I love
your email - it cracked me up so much that I read it to
my husband. So much wit and personality!
From now on when I'm months behind in my Rock Salt Plum
emails I have an iron-clad excuse: I've simply been too
busy engaging in hardcore omphaloskepsis. So, Michael,
that is why I'm so late responding to your email. I
looked up the word and then thought I'd try it out for
myself and just couldn't pull myself away. It's all
your fault.
Thanks so much for your praise of my Li-Young Lee
interview! He's a really down-to-earth, kind person -
putting all of that work into a small online journal. I
was really surprised when I received a letter in the
mail (he doesn't have email) saying he would do it! I
love to see people keeping it real.
Michael, I am so blown away by "Long-Winded Poetry
Introductions" - this is something straight out of a
Hofstadter book! So clever and surprising. I would love
to publish this in our next issue! Though, I must
admit, my publishing schedule is as erratic as my email
replies (but I really want it done way before Xmas for
my own sanity, if nothing else). Would you send me an
updated bio and photo of yourself to accompany the
poem?
I've decided to nominate this poem for the 2007
Pushcart Prize. The nominations are due in by December
1st. You won't hear anything back unless you are chosen
for inclusion in the anthology (chances are slim, as
I'm sure you're aware) but I really want to honor this
amazing feat of poetic acrobatics! So, consider
yourself officially nominated! I'll post it on the
website in December along with the other five nominees.
I'd love to receive a review for your friend's Prairie
Schooner book - good for her! I can imagine that your
review would be beautifully written with no small
degree of wit.
Again, please forgive me for taking so long getting
back to you. Your emails are so wonderful, it's hard to
respond in kind!
Cheers, Jalina
_______________________________
November 2, 2006
yyyyyyyyyyyoooooooooooooddddddddddddddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllll
lllllleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiooooooooouuuuuuuuuu
I've sent you 2 likenesses. Take your pick.
BIO:
Michael Schein is recognized as a 20th Avenue Northwest Treasure by a
guy who hangs out in Salmon Bay Park. His work appears in Slow
Trains, Chrysanthemum, The Ledge, Penitalia, Pontoon 8 & 9 (Floating
Bridge Press), American Drivel Review, Elysian Fields Quarterly, and
an anthology, The Art of Bicycling (Breakaway Books 2005). Michael
received two Honorable Mentions from Writers’ Journal Poetry Contest,
he was a finalist for the 2005 Ledge Chapbook Contest, and he was a
selected reader in the 2006 Washington Poets' Association moonviewing
poetry contest. Michael is the author of two novels, and will buy
beers for agents or publishers.
Thank-you, Jalina. This means a lot to me.
Warm regards,
Michael
___________________________________________
November 12, 2006
Hello Jalina,
I hope you are well, and the winter issue is coalescing comfortably
somewhere in your brain, or perhaps some warmer organ. Did you
receive my photo bio and effusive thanks? They were sent on the
wings of a yodel, along with
a promise (herein fulfilled) to furnish a book review of the recent
Prairie Schooner Book Prize book. Attached you will find my review
of Kathleen Flenniken's book FAMOUS, for possible inclusion in the
upcoming issue. Please let me know what you think.
Thank-you for digging a spring that seeps beauty
Michael Schein
______________________________________
November 23, 2006
Hi Michael,
This is lovely! It's a go. This review will appear in
our upcoming issue which is definitely coalescing
albeit a little slowly...thank you for this divine
review!
- Jalina
___________________________________
January 4, 2007
Dear Jalina,
I hope that you and your loved ones are well. If you need help or
comfort, please ask.
I would be the first to admit that strict adherence to the temporal
plane is for losers. When you wrote me in early November to say that
you would upload the current issue well before Christmas, I should
have understood the koan imbedded in your words. It is always before
one in the unending succession of Christmases. Or perhaps
"Christmas" is a metaphor for joy, and could signify Sadie Hawkins
Day or the imperative that we must celebrate every day of our lives.
Deeper still, if Christmas is a symbol for Present, you were telling
me that you would post it before the present, which seems impossible
(unless perhaps in some parallel universe you already posted it).
The Other always demands the impossible of us, and this is a source
of unending dissonance. This is especially true of one anticipating
the release of work to the public, who awakens in the pee hours of
the morning paranoid about whether he is even still eligible for that
Pushcart since his work did not technically appear in a 2006
incarnation of the journal, but who in the cold light of the
refrigerator recognizes that probably no one's really counting. I
know you want RSP to bloom again, perhaps even more than we
contributors, and probably it is only that rusted out muffler or the
pile of dirty laundry overflowing the hamper that is interfering with
the further progress of literature in North America, and since 9 out
of 10 housewives prefer clean underwear to poetry I'm content to wait
longer if you will tell me a story, any story, but preferably one
that I can tell my grandchildren to dissuade them from turning me in.
Be well,
Michael Schein
_____________________________________
January 18, 2007
Hello?
hell,oh,oh,oh?
Eschew
echew,eww,eww,ewww
Om
om,mm,mm,mm
phal
phal,alll,alll,alll
lo
oh,oh,oh
skepsis!
siss, boom-bah.
RU OK? Did you know that in the law of testamentary dispositions
(that means giving away your shit upon death with a will), children
are called "issue". So, where's the next child?
live,
michael
_______________________________
January 23, 2007
Michael,
You're a genius! I just love you!
I'm starting to feel bad for my writers. This issue
really must start stirring and showing some signs of
life.
I just want to publish an issue filled with all of your
emails. A whole issue of nothing but emails that you've
sent to publishers and friends and writers. Hey...I
actually kind of like the thought of that! Maybe I'll
interview YOU and publish lots of your witty emails
interspersed with Q & A, using the emails as a
jumping-off place for a great conversation (though I am
sadly nowhere as witty as you - I can try to fake it) -
oooh, this gives me hope...what do you think? This
could be sort of hilarious...
Let me know what you think!
- Jalina
_______________________________
January 23, 2007
Dear Jalina,
I think you are crazy. Actually, I have a shoe box around here
somewhere containing about a year and a half of emails I exchanged
with another RSP contributor, Deanne Smith. In the back of my mind I
thought they'd make an interesting book once one of us becomes well-
known in a certain narrow OCD spiral. But alas, which shoebox, in
which closet? And what might drop out on me if I were to look?
Probably the best thing to do would be something. What you suggest
is insane, and I love it, though of course I am the last person on
earth who could possibly pass on the wisdom of such folly. So, find
three people you trust, one of whom must be either a shaman or from
Minnesota, and run it by them. If they all agree that it is
preposterous, then let's do it.
Tell me, what do you need to fill out the current edition? If it's
poets, Seattle is lousy with them. You can't order a pizza without
meeting one at the door. You can't pee behind a tree without wetting
one, though it hardly matters since they're already damp. I'm sure I
could rustle up a few worthy contributors.
As for interviews, my theory is that the reason they take so long is
that those pesky interviewees are grandiloquent, vacillatory and
sesquipedelian. What's needed here is good old American can-do-ism
as practiced by a good old American like Charles Dickens, who always
made up all his interviews (I'm making that up). So, you could
probably write a dozen interviews in the time it takes just to have
my people call your people about doing lunch.
Then there's always the question of the interviewee. Pick a strong
character, who knows what he/she wants and how to get it. Adolph
Hitler or God might be good examples. Don't ask "what do you think"
questions, ask "what are you going to do about" questions (the Jews
and Gypsies? Lot's Wife? Pretty much anyone who doesn't pray just
right?). And whatever you do, don't pay by the word.
Have you considered multiple personalities? They could interview
themselves. Very economical and quick, like masturbation.
Well, that's it for the idea dump right now. The pizza is here!
Warm regards,
Michael
________________________________
January 28, 2007
Hi Michael,
I just wrapped up your review of Famous. Looks good.
I'm going to comb thru it once more for typos and
formatting glitches. It's a great review. As soon as I
send this email I'm going to go work on your poem page.
Man, I just spent an hour at Katharine's website. She
is AMAZING. I am so pleased to have her review on RSP,
to be connected to her in some small way. I'm going to
purchased this book asap.
This new issue of RSP is coming along nicely...lots of
explosive, abstract artwork by ex bassist of the band
Weezer. I'm getting psyched. Now about your emails.
Maybe I am crazy, but I really want to do this. I want
to capitalize on your wit!
I feel so inspired and full of energy.
Your friend, Jalina
_________________________________
January 28, 2007
Dear Jalina,
Thank-you for the elegant setting for this review, and for welcoming Kathleen into your family of well-nourished poets. I'm sure she'll be pleased.
We'll talk more about your personal qualms about continuing with RSP, but let me just say that you are extremely gifted as both an editor and interviewer. I know, gifts carry barbs, but still -- oh, the highs! Your happiness glows off the screen displaying this last very welcome flood of emails.
________________________________
January 28, 2007
jalina jalina, gal it's been so long [in dylan's grit-on-molasses croon]
This is about the poem, not the review
TITLE
part of the adventure of this poem is growing into it, the squirm of unease that listeners experience at live readings wondering if i'm going to begin drooling or if i might actually have a point. that's lost by immediately giving the reader a title, which is a nice little 8X12 dustbin into which they can sweep their uncertainty. SO, lets get that title off the top which also means out of the line about the Pushcart for BIO edits I just sent you. Here's an idea: Instead of referring to "Long-Winded Poetry Introductions" lets just call it "L-W PI (DTJDYC?)". Cryptic enough? Yet it gives you a link to click, right? Or, if you think it's better, just use L-W PI.
Other edits:
wait a minute, before I get too organized, let me just say that I really appreciate the artwork you matched me with. THAT'S THE GUY!!! that's them, or at least his new version of her, and it's definitely him. Tell Mikey I love it, please.
"you know the giant people basket" -----> "you know, the giant people basket" [I always read this comma, now I've added it -- this wasn't your omission, but mine]
Italicize "cri de coeur"
BIO: We have 2 different BIOs for the two pieces, the review and the poem. And I'm sick of both of them. Let's just use one, the same for each piece [NOTE THIS CHANGE APPLIES TO BOTH THE POEM AND THE REVIEW]:
"Michael Schein is a father to daughters, husband in a vibrant quarter century marriage, friend to many (especially cats), scribbler of poems and novels, and more. Michael’s work appears in such euphonious journals as Slow Trains, Chrysanthemum, The Ledge, Penitalia, Pontoon, American Drivel Review, Elysian Fields Quarterly, and in the anthology, The Art of Bicycling. His poetry has received several awards; most recently, he has been named a finalist in the 2007 San Francisco Writer’s Conference Contest, and he will be nominated for a Pushcart Prize for his poem L-W PI (DTJDYC?), which appears in this issue of RSP. Michael is the author of two historical novels, and will buy beers for agents or publishers."
All other flaws are my own, which I will carry with me to the grave where they will blessedly become irrelevant, not even of interest to maggots.
Thank-you,
Michael
______________________________________
Michael, here is the proof for your poetry page:
http://www.rocksaltplum.com/RSPSpring2007/MichaelScheinpoem.html
Please forward this URL along to Kathleen so she can
also approve it! Thanks so much, I'm having a blast
getting this together!
- Jalina
______________________________________
January 28, 2007
stop the presses!
in the poem, last line, "Don't they Just" -----> "Don't They Just"
in other words, please capitalize "They"
merci buckets,
m
________________________________
March 2, 2007
jalinajalina, gal it's been so long
(substitute corrina corrina and croon it like zimmerman)
you have my blessing to print any emails i've sent you if that will
bloat the journal and get it into cyberspace. i'm a big fan of the
trash bucket, and regularly delete the byte bits that accumulate
around the old hard drive, so i don't have much. i've been working
the novel angle, and am delighted to report that a ny agent read the
1st 50 pp and "would love" to see the whole damn ms., even the parts
coated in cat fur.
i'd be delighted to send you more poetry, but i doubt it is more that
you need; probably less would be better.
remember, rock breaks scissors, scissors cuts paper, paper covers
rock. the salt and the plum are gravy, unless you're making
margaritas or that sauce that goes on the moo shu pancakes. in nj,
they call sauce "gravy". what appears at first to be a gordian knot
is in fact a seething cauldron of random quarks searching for bad
gluons in all the wrong places. there's no need to agonize because
it only creates agony. just press send. all this will end, a new
beginning. it'll be fun.
live,
michael michael,
up all night, standing by the windowsill
_____________________________________
March 3, 2007
Michael,
You've done it again. You are so clever - rock, paper,
salt, scissors, plum...you are a poet in your very
soul, seeing connections everywhere. That's why I chose
that particluar quote for your page, about meaning
being in the interconnections, the puns, the interplay.
It reminded me of you.
Your edits are complete...check them out using the same
URL's as last time.
I'll definitely take you up on your offer to use your
emails on RSP. Thank you for this unusual opportunity.
My emails to you hardly compare. I'll string yours
along on their own and leave the reader to guess at
what (who) came between. Quiet people seem fascinating.
I'll be the mysterious, silent "other."
Congratulations on your novel - that's such a good
sign! With your wit and intelligence I truly have no
doubt that your novel will be a success.
Okay - I'm off - a few last edits to do!
- Jalina, fan #1
____________________________________________
Michael has also contributed a poem and a book review of Kathleen Flenniken's Famous to this issue.
