You Uninformed
The World (Associated Poets) - You are uninformed, according to sources close to the article you are currently reading.
"Your need for information can be fulfilled by continuing to read this
article," the article quotes itself as saying, cautioning that it is not
currently aware of any specific plans of yours.
"Increasingly, we're seeing signs that you are reading the article and,
most likely, thereby becoming better informed," a source who was unable
to be identified said just a moment later, "but there remains a very real
possibility that you could stop reading the article at any time."
The possibility that you could be receiving a large cash prize as early as
this afternoon has been mentioned in the article in what some experts are
considering a somewhat unprofessional attempt to hold your attention.
"Articles can be boring," said media analyst Tina Richardson, "especially
articles like this one, that wait to reveal critical information until
their closing paragraphs." Speculation about what that information might
be is one of many factors that are expected to cause you to continue
reading.
"Of course, there are other information-containing articles in the media,"
reads another quote in this article, "and to make sure you remain
informed, you probably ought to check those out as well."
The article added that the fact that you've read this far will help it
sell advertising space in and around its margins.
Joe Futrelle
Joe Futrelle served as the editor-within-chief of newspoetry.com, a daily
online poetry journal devoted to the news, from 2000 to 2003. Newspoetry
was created by William Gillespie, co-author of the hypertext novel The Unknown and founder of Spineless Books. Joe Futrelle is a music composer, writer, computer programmer, environmentalist, surrealist, and the president of the Schneertz National Institute for the Advanced Study of Something-or-other.
