Mistaken Identity
When I came out of the pizza place there was a
man sitting in my car. "Excuse me," I said. "But
you're in my car." "No I'm not," he said. "It's my
car. Bought and paid for." I said, "No it's not. It's
mine. Now please get out." "No," he said. "It's
mine." "Get out or I'll call the police," I said. "Go
ahead," he said. "Call them and I'll tell them you're
trying to steal my car." "Are you crazy?" I said.
"You're the one that's crazy," he said. "I am not,"
I said. "You are too," he said. "Look," I said, "I'm
going to call the cops if you don't get out." "Go
ahead," he said. "And I'll tell them you're trying
to carjack me. And that you exposed yourself to
me." "I did not," I said."You did too. So what's the
in the bag?" he asked. "None of your business,"
I said. "Now get out of the car." "Pizza, I bet? I hope
you didn't put onions on it. I hate onions. My wife
likes them," he said. "Get out of the car. I'm warning
you," I said. "I'm warning you," he said. "Here. I'll
hold the pizza if you're going to sock me," he said.
"I'm not going to sock you. I just want you to get
out of my car," I said. "It's my car," he said. "Come
on. Give me the pizza. Hand it over. I'm already late.
The pizza's getting cold. My is wife waiting. I told her
I'd be right back." "Look," I said. "It's not your car
or your pizza or your wife." "No?" he said. "Then who
do they belong to?" "They belong to me." I said. "Check
the registration in the glove compartment. My name is
on it." He opened the glove compartment and found
the registration. "Nope," he said. "You're not on it."
"Let me see that," I said. "Promise you won't steal
it," he said. "Just give it to me," I said. "Promise,"
he said. "I promise," I said. He handed the registration
to me. My name wasn't on it. "See. I told you," he said.
"Now give me the pizza. I'm late. And the keys." I handed
him everything . "Thanks," he said. "By the way, where
do I live?" I told him my address and he drove away.
But the last laugh was on him. I didn't have a wife
and the pizza was topped with onions.
